The "Blind" Lady

Preface: I do have a picture of the lady I'm about to describe, but I decided against posting it in case she is a friend of any of you. I'd hate to be held libel for defamation of character or something. So just imagine if you will a woman approximately 6 feet tall weighing 400 pounds with a series of very bad blonde wigs.

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I'd like to start by saying that this woman was aboard our cruise and claimed to be completely blind. In the week we spent with her, it became increasingly apparent that this woman was not, in fact, completely blind. There's no way she could have been.

Here, I present the Top 10 Reasons I Know This Woman Was Not Really Completely Blind:

10. She claims the cruiseline broke her "blind stick" when it went through baggage. Don't you think if she were really completely blind, she would've taken it aboard with her from the get-go and not packed it separately to send through baggage check?

9. She wore makeup that -- although tacky -- was perfectly applied.

8. I just wonder why a completely blind woman would go on a cruise by herself. It seems unlikely.

7. She had a video camera and always seemed to know when she could see our boat in the harbor from our position on the bus in Grand Cayman in order to video it. She started taping when it was visible and stopped taping when it wasn't.

6. She gave Marilee and I dirty looks every time we were near her. I think she knew we were onto her scheme.

5. She was watching the movement of the stingrays in the ocean and yelling out to people 15 feet away from her that a male stingray was headed toward them. How did she distinguish the male from female without being able to see? How did she know in the choppy water that a stingray was headed in a zig-zaggy pattern toward people so far away from her?

4. For that matter, why would a completely blind woman choose to go alone on a stingray swim and snorkel excursion?

3. She managed to walk around the photo display area with ease without any assistance, marched right up to a sign, pulled it out of the slatboard holder, and proceeded to ask what it said.

2. She also knew that she was missing a picture -- the one of her posing in a red dress in front of a boat backdrop. Without the aid of sight, I wonder how she knew the picture with the boat and red dress weren't among the ones she'd already miraculously found along the display racks.

1. She could always find the most affluent-looking or attractive people to cling to for help. You see, her ability to function varied depending on the people she was around.

There are plenty other examples, but I think you get the point. I'm just saying...this woman wasn't completely blind. And it really is sad that she would feign such an impairment for attention, unecessary help, etc. I kind of wonder if she was running some kind of theivery scam. If she winds up on America's Most Wanted, I won't be surprised.

Meet My Sister, Marilee

This is Marilee -- my dear friend who was gracious enought to invite me on a cruise with her family. Let me tell you, cruising with her family was quite possibly the most hilarious thing I've done in recent years. I am posting this picture so you have a clear visual of the two of us before I proceed.

I can't tell you how many people on the cruise thought we were sisters. It was better than other things they could've thought, I suppose, considering the large number of "alternative lifestylers" on the ship. At any rate, I could go for friends, even cousins, and maybe half sisters or something. But twins?! There was one particularly drunk woman who thought we were identical twins. She was kind of funny in a rather unfortunate way.

I'll update some more cruise details soon-ish.

Home Sweet Home

Due to popular demand, I am updating my blog! Here is a very exciting picture of my living room. I know you are overjoyed at the sight of this. Don't you think it needs a paint job in a major way? Unfortunately, that won't happen while I'm still in this apartment. Anyway, here is my home...for those of you dying to know what I did with the place after unpacking my boxes.